Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening will help you understand your children and enhance your mutual attachment.
When your child is upset, empathic listening can help you to break through. The key lies in trying to understand what your child is experiencing. Their experiences might not make logical sense, but they don’t need to, they are simply feelings. There is something more important than understanding the situation, and that’s understanding how they feel about it. That is why empathetic listening works so well.
1- Be accepting and non judgmental about any and all the information your child shares
2- Reflect back what you think she is feeling and ask if you have understood her feelings correctly
3- Respond to the feelings underneath the story line in a validating way.
4- Name the feelings. For example, “I think you might be feeling frustrated now, that’s completely reasonable.”
5- Sometimes your child will have a mixture of emotions. You can respond that it is fine to feel x and also y, that’s totally normal.
6- Be honest with your reaction because your child can read you – your voice, your posture, the words you use, the distance between you – all tell her how you truly feel. So slow things down, position yourself so your eyes are level with theirs, and be with them in the moment. If you are not feeling accepting just then, perhaps you can suggest that both of you get a drink of water to buy yourself some time until you can be calmer and listen sincerely.
7- You don’t need to fix anything, although as parents we usually want to fix our child’s problems for her/him.
When you listen empathetically, your child will feel heard and understood. They will feel your support and when they relax into this, they’re ready to listen to you and open up to your guidance. The best way to be heard is to listen. Their feelings don’t have to make sense to you, but it will always be something wonderful for them, if you can help their feelings make sense to them.
Read more…http://www.heysigmund.com/empathetic-listening/