Couples who bring kindness and generosity to their interactions with their partner are highly likely to have happy relationships which aree lasting relationships. On the other hand couples who bring contempt, criticism, and hostility to their interactions with their partner are highly likely to be unhappy and/or to break up.
Researchers can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples — straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not — will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship.
Researcher Julie Gottman, PhD says: “It’s scanning the partner for what the partner is doing right or scanning him for what he’s doing wrong and criticizing versus respecting him and expressing appreciation.”
Couples who divorced after a six-year follow up responded towards their partner’s bids for emotional connection or attention only 33 percent of the time.
The couples who were still together after six years responded towards their partner’s bids for emotional connection or attention 87 percent of the time, meaning that almost nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.
Contempt towards the other was found to be the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there. Clearly a recipe for disaster.
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