The secret to a happy marriage is knowing how to fight.
How should couples fight productively?
The goal is to have a conversation so that each partner can try to understand what the other is wishing for and how the other person feels. The goal is to collaborate so that the couple wins, rather than one person winning and the other person loosing. What makes this difficult is that each partner comes from a family that had their own patterns of doing things and it feels natural to continue to do it that way. So you have two people who are now together coming from different families, they need to work out a new their own set of values, priorities and style. It is an almost impossible task if either person is angry or shut down.
Each person in the couple needs to take a break and calm down enough so that they can think, listen and speak when they return to the conversation.
In the midst of an argument, breath, take a few minute break (as long as you need) and then return to the conversation. Returning to the conversation in the spirit of resolving it is a must to have a good relationship.
